Tiger Mom Is Not Lord Voldermont

Amy Chua opens up to BW’s Anjana Saproo about how her book is meant to be a satirical look at her parenting skills.

Amy Chua, the author of Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother, is probably the most reviled mom in the US today, after The Wall Street Journal published an excerpt from her book last year under the headline ‘Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior'.  The book, however, has found its sweet share of fans in India as well. Chinese moms worship the ground she walks on; well, sort of. The latter reaction again disturbs Chua. She fears they will take the book as a how-to-parent guide — and that was not the aim of her book anywhere. She claims this was meant to be a satirical look at her parenting skills and the situations that unfolded thereafter but nobody really gets that. Chua opens up to BW's Anjana Saproo and tries to put the record straight.
 
Why did you write the book?
I wrote the book in a moment of crisis when my 13-year-old daughter Lulu rebelled against my strict parenting. The book is very much misunderstood by people who don't read it. I think 90 percent of the people writing about it have not read the entire book, but only the excerpt published by The Wall Street Journal. 
 
But you find a lot of sympathy among the Indian audiences?
Oh, it has been amazing.  I mean, I did not know much about Indian parenting so I was surprised. I received many supportive e-mails from Indian audiences. Also, the crowds at the festival were very supportive and most importantly, they got the humour of the book. That it so great instead of having people reading the book literally and reacting. It is supposed to be satirical. At least the Indians get it.

Before the book was published, my daughters told me — Mom! no one is going to read it, it is too weird. So, I left my e-mail address on it to make it very public. I thought that people would understand the book to be more literary.  I meant it to be a little more complex.
 Amy Chua, the author of Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother, is probably the most reviled mom in the US today after The Wall Street Journal published an excerpt from her book last year under the headline ‘Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior'.  The book, however, has found its sweet share of fans in India as well. Chinese moms worship the ground she walks on; well, sort of. The latter reaction again disturbs Chua. She fears they will take the book as a how-to-parent guide — and that was not the aim of her book anywhere. She claims this was meant to be a satirical look at her parenting skills and the situations that unfolded thereafter but nobody really gets that. Chua opens up to BW's Anjana Saproo and tries to put the record straight.

Do you think Indians identify with it because our parenting is similar to that of the Chinese?
Yes. I learned this. Indian students in America are at the top. They do better than even the Chinese students and I am always telling my daughters the same.  So, of course, there has to be a pattern of parenting similar to mine because I know what it takes to make it to the top.  Also, Indian students are well-adjusted. You have to understand that I raised my children in America. And the American system already promotes creativity, independence, irreverence, play dates, sleepovers talking, etc. In that context, for me to follow a traditional pattern of parenting is my way of striking the balance.

But in China, the education system is way too authoritarian, too strict, too much rote learning, and does not encourage thinking out of the box. I do not propagate Tiger parenting there. If I were in China I would, rather, say that children need more freedom, more choice. My book gives a different message depending on whether you are a parent in the East or a parent in the West.
 
Do you think the Americans were outraged because you turned the mirror on their parenting skills and forced them to think about it?
Yes. I have often been wondering about the very strong reaction I got. People would ask —do you care more about the child's success than her happiness? And I am like — it is a no-brainer. I mean if I had to choose between success and happiness, then, of course, I would choose happiness. But the question here is how do you raise children who can later grow to become happy adults. I do not know the right answer to it, which is very complex. And America has a very high rate of teen depression, teen anxiety, teenage substance abuse, and one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies, among developed countries. So, that is not a recipe for happiness either.

The book is openly self-incriminating. For me, the proof is in the pudding. If you look at my girls they are well-adjusted, successful, and yes— happy too. They are vibrant, independent, funny, generous girls. The point I am trying to make is that there are many ways to bring up happy and strong kids. Nobody knows the internal workings of the family. And I am fascist and very hard on myself. And I am not a fascist simply because a fascist is a person who does not take any criticism. The book, itself, is 90 percent self-criticism.

Do you read Indian writers?
I love Indian writers. A Suitable Boy is one of my favourites. The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy is another. I also like Jhumpa Lahiri. I recently read The Interpreter of Maladies.

What is next?
Definitely not another parenting book after this. I am planning to go back to academics.